Sunday, August 28, 2005

Looking for more than a Shell

Well this has been a curious few days. It begin by leaving on Thursday for our vision and planning retreat for our faith community. It was interesting. Thursday was just Pastors and then by Friday we were joined by the rest of the staff and elders. In the course of the meeting Friday night, I became very disgruntled, not as much because of what was going on or being said but more my inside that has been in constant turmoil. I broke down and shared with my dad that I was sorry for my unpleasant presence, and let him know I was "dead" inside. I spent the night thinking and trying to figure a way out. Tonight a very dear and close friend of mine and my wife's came over because she had been feeling that we and maybe more specifically me had been struggling and things weren't right. She was right. She spoke some very profound and insightful things into my life, and our conversation was refreshing. She spoke several things that meant a lot but most of all that I seemed to be just a shell, and that there wasn't anything inside. I was going through motions but the heart and soul of who I am and was becoming was missing. The nut in the shell was gone. This was and is very true. I am processing still the hurt of this past year, and am having a hard time getting past it. I have insulated myself for sure. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I am thankful for people who love me for me. I hope I can find the nut and unite it with the shell of a man that I have become.


Blogger KJones said...

Jeremy = Jehovah will exhalt (Hebrew)
Jeremy = GOD will uplift (English)

Overly optimistic? I don't think so.

10:28 AM  

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