Wednesday, September 07, 2005

One step at a time

I have been taking steps to climb out of my mess of hurt and bitterness. God has met me and with his help I am beginning the journey out. Some deep feelings have been uncovered in my life, well maybe discovered. I am going to see a counselor, to share and see what I can do to work thru these feelings. I am beginning to restructure my life, more in accordance with what I feel God will have me to do. I have seemed to have motivation a little bit more now, however this time it is God focused, finding him in new ways, allowing his life to come into mine, and overtake it. A friend recently told me I had to start placing and speaking truth in my life. This was one of the great things that came from our discussion. Though I came to greater appreciation for this truth a few years back, it is something that I haven't practiced as of late. However I have untruth that has crippled my life, and Christ's life I seek to live. I am allowing truths that I know to help release some of the things in my life that have been captive for a while. All I can say is what a tangled mess, but I am untangling it with God's help. I am very judgmental at times, this is dangerous. I really just want to continue to love ALL people(even christians who have wounded me deeply, this is the hardest for me), and live the moments God gives me to the fullest. There are no guarantees on life. The other night while returning home from a great date night, we saw a motorcycle rider who had been struck by a vehicle and laid in the road with legs going in ways they shouldn't go, 2 guys knelt over him and were holding his head in place, there was severe bleeding. Sorry to be so graphic. In this moment time seemed to slow if not stop. My heart was grieved, did he have a wife? Kids? Would he live? If so how, could he walk? I ride motorcycles, scary. Life is so fragile, no guarantees. I don't want to live my life consumed with bitterness and hatred. I want to live a life of Love as Christ did and has asked me to. I don't want it effecting the way I treat my wife or son like it has. My prayers go out to this man whoever he may be. So here goes the untangling, as Popeye says "I have had all I can stands and I stands no more"...So I am grabbing Jesus' hand and together we will work out of this, and I pray that become more like him through it and I will stand tall giving God the credit, and maybe more prepared for the next battle.


Blogger KJones said...

This gives me great joy. I thank God for you and Shana. I know the road is long, but it encourages me greatly to see you walking again...the REAL you.

8:59 AM  

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