Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A different life

It has been quite a while since I have written lately and the reasons are many. Life as of late has been anything but routine, safe, stable, secure, and any other words you may want to throw in. I have made some decisions on my own that were not that bright to say the least, other things have been kinda a necessity. My life is in the middle of a huge transition, one that to be honest with you scares the hell out of me.

I have sorta a dualistic personality, sort of fight or flight kinda thing. Many times I display both, simultaneously. I have kinda been thinking about my confidence in who I am, who I am not, and lastly who I would like to be. To many I seem to be a pretty confident dude, and I guess given the right set of circumstances I am. It is funny circumstances many times at least for me determines confidence. Then and probably most importantly you have the God factor, the place we should find and place our confidence. Though this is sometimes more easily said than done.

As I have the tendency to do, because I am a control freak, I have taken the wheel. How much do we determine our own destiny? How much of a role does God play?

I am coming out of my shell, and going after what I want. I am believing that God will help me to succeed. I do have some shell shock, but at the end of the day as they say nothing ventured nothing gained.

My son is pretty much oblivious to all that is going on in life right now, except for the occasional overflow of emotion sometimes. My wife and I are committed to going thru whatever together. We have been through other things, though this may prove to be the biggest one yet. One thing I am confident of is God's love for me, and the strength of our family. I guess that is actually two things.

Some of this is kinda vague I know but needed to atleast get some of this out. As I can share more in depth I will. I reflect as I leave tonight with feeling that I has while standing on top of the Empire State Building...There is a world out there with unlimited opportunities and potential. So lets just see what comes of them.


Anonymous Adam J. said...

I stumbled on your blog through a link on another one. I just wanted to say that I appreciate how you put yourself out there and I can totally relate to how you feel. I am a Student Minister and I have found that I have a tendency to take the wheel, and that tends to lead to places I don't want to be. It's interesting isn't it? Every time I take the wheel and actively steer where I think I should go, I usually end up where I don't want to be. Anyway I just wanted to say thanks for sharing and keep up the good work brother!

8:37 AM  

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